NOTE: My upcoming book, Healing In Christ's Light From Patterns of Sexual Betrayal has an entire chapter on the doctrine of boundaries. You won't want to miss it!!! Are Boundaries Righteous?I'm very headstrong, and my friend Katy can attest to this. Six years ago I firmly told Katy that boundaries weren't a righteous principal and weren't for me! My plan was to love my husband to heaven and I had tried to do that for 17+ years. I felt resigned to live a life of chaos due to my husband's actions, addiction, and mental illness (though I didn't know about the mental illness piece at that time.) I was stuck in misery and without hope. With firm gentleness, that is true to Katy's nature, she pushed back on my misunderstandings, and I will forever be grateful that she did. After my converstation with Katy, I mused and dared to hope: Are boundaries righteous?? If you have wondered that, you aren't alone. I remember the lightening bolt that hit me as I sat in an Addiction Recovery Program- Family Support meeting when I learned that: God Uses BoundariesI sat up taller after that meeting and relief washed over me when I learned that God uses boundaries. The understanding that I was an agent who acts and can protect myself so that I am not acted upon (see 2nd Nephi 2:26) was so relieving! Righteous empowerment filled me with a new-found hope. What Is a Boundary?Boundaries are simply things that we will do and we won't do. The result of boundary setting is to BOTH allow light and keep out darkness and chaos. We use boundaries to protect precious things like:
Boundaries From the Garden of EdenI have pleaded with Heavenly Father (on several occasions) to learn about boundaries from scripture. Because "boundary," is a more modern word, it's not something that can be searched for in the Topical Guide. Where are they, then? After one such prayer, He gently reminded me that the foundation of the earth was established with a boundary. This boundary was set in the most loving way possible, and I LOVE this pattern. God's Pattern For BoundariesIn the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were given the opportunity to partake of wonderful fruit from many different trees. They were commanded to not partake of the fruit of one tree. They were given the opportunity to choose for themselves (see Moses 3: 17). If they broke the commandment, they were told the consequence. Here's the pattern: 1- I want to give you ________ (ie. connection, spend time together, a privilege) 2- In order to do that, I need you to _________ (ie. speak respectfully, be honest, repair what was said, clean your room- for a child) 3- You have the freedom to choose what you will do. 4- Until this is done, _______ (ie. I need space, I will be practicing soul care, I will not allow you to go to your friend's house- for a child.) Boundaries Are An OpportunityMy husband would jokingly say that, "boundaries are a 4 letter word," and I've heard others that are participating in destructive behaviors say similar things. And yes, boundaries can seem like a punishment, but I prefer to look at them as an opportunity to choose better things.
I see boundaries as a way to FIGHT for my family in Christ-like ways. (Because Christ set boundaries too!!) Boundaries are a way for us to battle in righteous ways for relationships, beliefs and things that matter. They offer people the opportunity to make better choices and to stand on firmer ground; and until and if they do, we can protect ourselves with BOUNDARIES. Side note: It's normal to expect flailing when first implementing boundaries. Those who are setting boundaries while consulting with God, also have a beautiful opportunity to develop a greater relationship with God, a bedrock understanding of receiving revelation, and righteous empowerment. I am practicing setting boundaries with you, dear fellow agent of Christ who gets to act and not be acted upon. Sending love and prayer as we both figure out our paths by Letting God Prevail.
2 Comments
Jeni!!!!!!! I just read Alma 26 in my personal scripture study this morning. It's humbling that my tiny part in your journey helped lite a fire in you to dive deeply into boundaries...I'm celebrating all the good that already is and all the good that is coming because of your dedication to understanding, personally living by, and sharing these TRUTHS.
Reply
7/22/2023 05:42:00 pm
Aaaaaah! What generous words from my mentor. <3. Thank you dear friend. I'll try not to let the title "Boundary Queen," get to my head. Haha!! I love you dearly!
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
Jeni BrockbankHi! I am a daughter of God who is healing in Christ's Light from the effects of a loved one's abuse, addiction, patterns of sexual betrayal and abandonment. I am a mother of 6, an author, a podcaster, and a friend to many. I adore healing in community and hope that you find this a safe place to heal. Archives
September 2023
Categories |